Day 22 - Crash Course

 

Day 22: Matthew 20

CRASH COURSE (20:1-16)

Read Matthew 20 here first

 

I hated driving lessons. The first set I had were in Grimsby, and I did an intensive course involving 4 hours a day. The main problem was that I really clashed with the instructor, but couldn't change. At times we'd be sat outside his ex-wife's house parked up with him telling me what a terrible woman she was, and at other times he'd be telling me what a terrible driver I was. I remember failing my first test, and him driving me home while telling me how I was rubbish compared to him.

I don't like not being good at things. As an adult, I find that I avoid going through that by only doing things I'm relatively good at. Unfortunately, driving was something completely new that I had to learn from scratch, and I struggled with it. I knew I wasn't much good and I knew I needed help. That whole process was a humbling one for me and I hated it. Eventually I got there, and now I'm an amazing driver. Well, an OK driver. Well, better than Anna. Maybe.

I've found the Christian life can sometimes be like that. As a teenager, I found things so hard that I would throw myself down in front of God with tears in my eyes, desperate to return to Him and not be the same man that I was fed up of being. I read the Bible, tried to live that way, failed and came back to God, clinging to His grace. I wished things were different, but I loved the fact that He would always forgive me and that His love ran out. Slowly, as I prayed and got closer to God, things started to change. God started to mould and shape me, I found that I was happier with life, less reactive and felt better about myself. As I asked that God would change me, I found that He did and I could see the difference he was making in my life.

One day I got asked to speak at a youth event, and I felt completely unworthy. I knew I didn't deserve to be there, so I clung to God. I prayed and prayed, desperate that He would take over. A year later, I was at a baptism service, and one guy said that the first service he came to was the one I preached at, and something that I said made him want to come back. I couldn't believe it. I don't say that to big myself up. Far from it, I know it was one of the worst I've done in terms of content, being interesting, and having any real depth. However, I knew I couldn't do it in my own strength, and I completely threw myself on God for it. I believe as I did that, he took my mediocre words and somehow used them to be part of the journey to change something in the heart of that man.

Since then, I wish I was better at that when I speak. I now have some stories, some messages and I can almost think 'It's OK God, I've got this one, leave it with me'. I know I've done that at times, and I know that I've entertained people, but it's meant very little in their lives. The problem is that somewhere along the line, the tendency can be to think that I'm getting quite good at life. As I struggle with certain things less, the danger is that I can feel that I don't quite need God as much any more. I can treat Him like a driving instructor, there to give me the basics but then feeling like I can handle this and do it on my own. Somewhere down the line I can think that I'm now 'good enough' for God, forgetting just how great He is, and the work that He's done in my life.

As we read this passage, Jesus is telling people not to moan about what we think God owes us for our service. We can forget that we've come to God via forgiveness and grace, and start to rack up what we now think we deserve. Somehow we replace that amazing gift of grace with what we're now due from following Him for years. Grace is unfair, and I'm so glad it is. Without grace, I'd been done for. I deserve nothing from God, and yet He gives me so much. Grace is the most beautiful thing, and we all need it regularly, whether we've been following God for a day or a lifetime.

Let's remember that we're not good enough for God. We never will be. Let's think about the areas in our life where we maybe think we've got it sorted and worked out, and hand them back to God, safe in the knowledge that He will always do a better job than us.