Week 2 Extra - One Man Army

Week 2 Extra - One Man Army

 

We surround ourselves with noise so often. We can turn on the TV or the stereo to drown out our thoughts, to ignore the things that we know we should deal with.  We let noise surround us because it’s easier. It’s easier to let sound wash over us than it is to stop and be intimate, whether that’s intimate with others, or intimate with God.

 

We can sit and be entertained, without meeting some of the greatest needs we have. The need to feel truly loved by someone. The need to be heard. The need to be understood. The need to feel like we matter. We can neglect these things until they build up on us, threatening to overwhelm us.

Maybe this doesn't mean anything to you, and that's great, but I know this is stuff I'm truly rubbish at. I know we were built for relationship, but I often back away from intimacy, because I find it hard. I don't know if it's because I'm a man, or because I'm scared of letting people see what really matters, but I back away.

If I may, let me tell you a story of something I did recently.

I sat with a friend, having a great time in the pub. We talked about life, about death, about people who matter to us. We shared our stories about our families, stories of significant times in our lives. In the middle of a pub, we shared a time filled with depth and emotion. We laughed, we reflected, and we listened to each other.

We had a great time, full of meaning and life. We watched football in the background but it was so much more. For once, time didn’t just pass but it counted. Our words and stories mattered, both to ourselves and to each other.

Then it happened. I left. I don’t know why. I thought about getting home for some ‘me’ time before Anna got home. All of a sudden I wanted space. I went home, crashed on the couch and stuck Sky Sports News on.

Why?

Maybe because it’s safe. Maybe because I don’t have to worry about what to say or feeling awkward. Maybe I find it easier to sit on my own, checking Facebook and Twitter but avoiding real community with people. I think this may be true for me.

What I definitely know is that I regret it. I think it leads to loneliness. Quite often, I feel lonely. That day, I realised some of it may be my fault.

As we’ve read through the life of Jesus so far, we’ve seen community. There’s a closeness between Jesus and the disciples, and a genuine love between them. Jesus has a genuine love for the people he’s involved with and comes across.

For a while, I went through a period feeling I didn't matter to many people. I know what it is to feel like no-one's really bothered. It's hard, lonely and tough. Don't look at married people and think they don't feel that. They do. I still get that way, but I'm trying to fight through those lies to what I know is true. What is true is that you matter. I matter. We matter a whole lot to God. Enough to be humbled, spat at and killed so that we would be called His. As you matter to God, you will matter to others. I think a lot of us are pretty bad at showing it, and we need to not be.

If you feel this way, do something. Pick up the phone, send a text. Go for a meal, go to the pub, invite someone round, visit someone. Find someone that matters and spend time with them. Talk about things you care about, share your stories of important times. Listen to their stories and the things on their heart. Laugh with each other. Walk through painful times with each other. Pray with each other. Show that person that you care, that they matter to you, and let yourself open up so that you may feel loved back.

I don’t know why I wrote this. It just felt important.