Day 17 - Holy?

Day 17: Matthew 15

HOLY?

Read Matthew 15 here first

 

Holiness. It's not a word we hear a lot these days. We often sing it, but we don't think about it a lot in our day to day lives. As far as I know, the origin of the word means to be separate, different. We sing about God's holiness, knowing how different he is to us. We know His ways are higher, His thoughts are higher, and He himself is different to anything we can experience in this world.

I struggle with seeing myself as holy. Paul often refers to us as holy people, raising holy hands, even greeting each other with a holy kiss (be careful with that one). I guess I always equate holiness with being pure or good, as opposed to being set apart or separate from the world.

When I went to university at 18, I really tried to stand out from the lads initially. I tried to live a different way, being different in the amount I drank, my attitude on the football pitch, the words I spoke. So often I failed, but as I look back, I genuinely tried. In no way did I consider myself better than them, but I tried to live a lifestyle that was outside of the 'normal' university crowd. I didn't do this in order to get a pat on the back from God, or to condemn them or show my life was 'better' in any way, but I did it because I believe God calls us to be different to the world around us. I think that's all encompassing, in terms of our whole lifestyle.

Being called to be 'different' by God is so much more than a case of not getting drunk, or believing that sex is only for marriage. Whilst those things are part of how God calls us to live, He calls us to so much more than that. He calls us to forget living to build our own little empire, but to live selflessly, laying down our lives in order to follow Him. That means being different in what we're passionate about, the way we use our money, the way we use our words, the way in which we love people.

It's important that we stand out in terms of drawing a line where we stop drinking, or who we choose to date. I think as the church, we have emphasised the importance of that and that's good. However, it's also so vital that we let God shape our hearts so that we are passionate about justice, the poor, and the broken. As we do this, this will probably mean letting our time, energy and money be poured out in a way that doesn't make sense in our modern day society. So much of the book of Matthew is Jesus reaching out to the poor and despised in society, and not locking ourselves away in our own nice homes. For a lot of us, living holy lives, trying to be different will relate to our wallets. It will mean living in less fancy surroundings, it may mean not buying a home. It'll be tough.

This call to holiness is an all-encompassing, life-changing call, and it's so easy to reduce it to a list of activities that we don't do. As we do this, we can reduce God to a list of do's and don'ts, rather than standing out in every area. We consider ourselves set apart because we don't watch certain TV programmes, or listen to certain music, but while we sit in our comfortable houses, not really thinking about the needs of so many, whether that's a greater global injustice or those who are hurting and broken on our doorsteps.

Recently I heard a woman called Danielle Strickland talking about going into brothels to give our cupcakes to the women and pray with them. As everyone in the room was amazed at that bold ministry, and stories she told of being part of closing down brothels, she said something that really stuck with me. She said that genuinely she'd rather not do it. She said she found those places tough, harrowing places to visit. She said that every week she'd much rather be sat at home in comfort, watching TV. She had to force herself to get up and go, letting God's calling shape her life rather than the call to comfort. Maybe that's what holiness is, maybe that's how we really show we're different, by getting out in the world and really following God as he calls us off our chairs and into a hurting world.

Anyway, back to my university life. I hadn't grasped much of this, but I genuinely tried to live a different lifestyle at the time. It led to loads of conversations about God, and even one person seeking me out to come to church with me and give her life back to God. I was heavily involved in the CU and I had 2 great years.

The third year was tougher though. I lived in a house with 4 great lads, but as I spent less time close to God, I began to become less 'different' in many ways. As the year progressed, I found myself swearing a lot, as it became normal for me. It was only when I left university that someone noticed how bad my language had become.

I think that as I spent less time with God, there was no huge crisis in my life, but I became a lot more like the people around me. I started to slip into the same mentality without really realising. I believed all the same stuff, but I was no longer separate in the same ways that I had been. The belief I had in God didn't come out in my words and actions and I became a normal guy, passionate about Pro Evolution Soccer and Chicago Town pizzas. There would be many times that if you stuck a camera in our house for a couple of days, you'd have struggled to pick me out as a Christian.

In this passage, Jesus is talking about being clean or unclean. Jesus is saying that just following certain rules about eating doesn't make someone clean, but it depends on what comes out of your hearts and mouths. As Jesus does so often, he comes against the outward show of the Pharisees, who long to be seen as holy and important. Jesus is showing that holiness isn't about simply following rules to put yourself on a pedestal.

Jesus came and lived a completely holy life. Jesus resisted temptation, never sinned, and always had compassion on people. Jesus came to serve, to heal, to point to a much higher way than we can reach, and give his life. As we started this, we said that God's ways are higher than our ways. Jesus' words show us this. He points to such a high standard. Not simply rules, but a sacrificial lifestyle that knows what it is to truly be devoted to God, separate from all the temptations of the world.

In Psalm 24, it says 'Who may ascend the hill of the Lord, and who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart'. My hands aren't as clean as they should be, and my heart certainly isn't pure. Rather than discourage us, this should spur us on, that we may be determined to be closer to God, to live for His ways, to be different to those around us.

As we reflect on this, let's take a look at our lives as followers of Christ. I know when I became a Christian, I worked hard on areas that I knew I was desperate to change. I also know that I can often get complacent and just slip into the same mentality as everyone around me, just fitting in, coasting along.

Recently, Anna challenged me massively on this area, about how the disciples and early church would live if they were in 21st century Britain. I don't exactly know how that looks, but I know it's a lot less comfortable than we currently live. As Bonhoeffer says, 'When God bids a man come, He bids him to come and die'. Dying to ourselves, to what society or people expect, to what seems normal. To me, that seems to be the essence of how God calls us to be different. I don't really think we're there, and I don't really know how we get there, but I genuinely want to determine to live it out, so at the end of my life I don't look at my pile of nice stuff and realise it was worthless compared to being part of the people of God.

Today, write down some thoughts. In what areas do you think you are ‘different’ to those around you? In what ways have you slipped into just being one of the crowd? As we look at Jesus and the disciples, and how they were different to society around them, let yourself be challenged at how you stand out, how God is calling you to be different.Think about what the disciples would do in your shoes. Think about what God is calling you to. As we think like this, it'll be scary. It'll feel too big. It'll feel out of our control. That's ok, I'm pretty sure that's how God would have us live, looking to Him and not to our own self-sufficiency.

Day 16 - Food for Thought

Day 16: Matthew 14

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Read Matthew 14 here first

 

I can eat. When I was at university, a few friends concocted something called the McDonalds challenge. This basically involved 10 of us sitting round and taking it in turns to select an item from the pound menu. We'd keep ordering until one by one, people would drop out, and the last one standing was the winner (though looking back, none of us could really be classed as winners that day). 11 rounds later, and I was on the verge of victory. 3 large cokes in a row had put my last remaining opponent in trouble, and he bowed out. If I ate one more round, I would be champion. I chose a McFlurry and set about claiming the victory. On the drive home, I've never regretted anything more. After fighting to keep it all down, I lost the battle. I asked a friend to pull over, as I vomited down my leg and in the street.

Classy.

I love the feeding of the 5000, and most people think that's because it's about food. For me, it's not really about food. It involves food, but it shows us so much more about the heart of God. The first bit I love about this is that the story comes just as Jesus has heard about the death of John the Baptist. Jesus learns that his cousin has died, and wants to just be alone for a while. Instead, the crowds follow him.

When Jesus sees this, he doesn't take the perfectly reasonable route of telling them that he just needs some time. He looks at the crowd and has compassion on them. No matter what his own personal pain and feelings are, he doesn't put himself above the crowd. This isn't a crowd of his closest friends. It's a crowd which have come to hear him, but a crowd that will mostly walk away and reject Jesus and his teachings.

As Jesus puts their needs before his own, he shows us a truth we all take for granted. He shows us that God is never too busy for us. He firstly meets their needs through healing those who are sick. That's not enough though, he cares enough about the unimportant issue of their hunger. He could have healed the sick, spoke a bit, and sent them away. No-one could have been too disappointed with that. Instead, he wants them to leave satisfied. I believe God longs to show us more satisfaction than anything else we might try to fill our lives with. Whether they come to Jesus with a big, desperate need, or whether they're just hungry, it doesn't seem to matter to Jesus. The people need something, and Jesus can provide.

Secondly, I love the lack of rules. It doesn't seem like there are any qualifications of who can and can't eat. There's no splitting out who is good enough and who isn't. To me it seems pretty simple; if you were in the crowd, you got fed. As Jesus gets people to sit down and brings them into the feast, there is no investigation of their backgrounds or qualifications. By doing this, Jesus lets us into the heart of God. He shows us that all can come, that background is no barrier to being with Jesus. If you wanted to sit and eat, then you sat and ate.

A few years ago, I was part of a team which helped university students prepare for interviews in the business world. During this time, one girl produced her CV to a friend of mine. As he looked over it, some chewing gum fell out of his mouth and landed right in the middle of the CV. Both people saw it, but the girl was too polite to say anything, so they both carried on looking at it with this big blob of gum in the middle.

Our lives can be like that. We can’t run to God with our CV, showing him how good we are. None of us can impress God with what we do, as our lives will simply not match up to Him. The idea of taking our achievements to someone perfect looking for them to be impressed is bizarre, but I know I do it so often. I know I can often get proud and even think that God is lucky to know me. Normally at that time God reminds me how graceful He is, and how truly flawed I can be when I go through life without Him. You see, all of us have a blob of sin sat in the middle, no matter how much we try to dress things up. The brilliant thing is that God isn’t looking for the CV.

Grace brings us to God despite our sin and weakness. The feeding of the 5000 shows us this, that God doesn't ask us to go through rituals to approach Him. He tells us to come, whatever the state of our hearts. I hope I never lose sight of grace. I believe the feeding of the 5000 shows us a grace that invites us to sit with Jesus, wherever we're from and whatever we're done. I believe that the life of the disciples shows us a promise that as we walk with him, he won't leave us in that state. It's a promise that He will shape our lives daily, changing our hearts and lives so that we will reflect something of a greated kingdom as we go about our days knowing Him. It's a great story. It's a story about life, about love, and about the heart of God who isn't fed up of us.

Like I said, it's not about food.

Day 15 - A Hidden Kingdom

 

Day 15: Matthew 13

A HIDDEN KINGDOM

Read Matthew 13 here first

We don't think of kingdoms much anymore. It feels a bit outdated now, we have democracies and politicians. I love films involving kingdoms though, as they often have huge battles in with armies defending it, armies attacking it, and a king at the centre, miles away from the battle, who must be protected at all costs. I'm glad I don't live in times where I'd need to be a warrior. I'm an accountant. With a dodgy knee. If I had to be a warrior, I may as well give up, lie in the mud and wait to die. It'd be easier.

When we think of a kingdom, this is so often what we think of. Castles, armies, strength. We think of a king ruling over his people, and we think of a people willing to die for a king. When we think of the kingdom of heaven, it does have some of these aspects, but it's also so much more than that. This is a kingdom where pain will cease, where joy will last forever, and we will live in close relationship with the king. Every tear will be wiped away and there will be no sickness.

The great, life-changing truth is that Jesus has welcomed us all into the kingdom. Not because we are strong, or wise, or rich, but because we are His people. We are welcome into the kingdom because of grace. Our place in the kingdom of heaven is something to be grasped and accepted, not something to be earned.

Jesus talks in Matthew 13 about so many aspects of the kingdom of heaven. He talks about it being like a treasure in a field that it is worth everything. Jesus tries to get us to see just how much better this kingdom is than what the people see in the world around them. Jesus knows that as people grasp this kingdom and really understand its value, it will pour out onto the earth and transform lives. As Jesus speaks about it spreading like yeast, and the good soil, he knows that as people get hold of what he says, they will be so passionate and fuelled by God's spirit that the very world around them will change.

This is the kingdom we are a part of, called to be involved in as it works its way through the world. When we recognise the beauty of it, we become transformed from simply salespeople of the gospel into witnesses of the only thing in this world that matters. We can invite people into a place where they can have closeness with God, and live for something of real value.

This is a kingdom which people need to be told about. Jesus doesn't mince his words here, but talks about the consequences of not being part of it. Jesus warns the people here that a life without God will end in the most horrendous eternity, where there will be “weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Therefore, the responsibility comes to us to speak of the kingdom. It is our job to share the truth of this message. It is a tough task, but it is certainly no tougher for us than it would have been for the disciples who took it on and faced death.

Our world is hurting. Our world needs the kingdom of heaven to break in and change things, as well as needing the promise that they can spend eternity with their creator. It needs reminding that life isn't about building our own little empires, but about a greater kingdom of love which has come to us and shown us what we are worth more than anything on this earth could ever give us.

For the kingdom to change things, the citizens of the kingdom need to rise up, find their voice and speak. Not just to speak against things all the time, but also to speak for things. To speak words of hope and wisdom. To point the world to what really matters. To speak of a great kingdom which we have been invited to, a kingdom that has transformed our lives.

The world needs this kingdom of ordinary people to live selfless lives, where their words are backed up by action. It needs a people who are passionate about God, people and justice, so that our words and our lives are infectious. It needs a people who don't just create arguments in the media, but that get their hands dirty in reaching out to the poor, the rejected, the broken, for those who do not have a voice. A people who will serve others and pour themselves out, not for their own ego but because it's the right thing to do. I truly believe that if, as the people of God, we can know what it is to live this way, we will have a right to speak. I believe that people would want to sit and listen to us because we live with such integrity and love that it changes the world around us. It sounds like a huge call, and I really wish I was better at it, but I look at Jesus and think this is really the way it must be. Even when the doubts come in that I won't be able to match up to it, I know the truth is that if God lives in me then I can do so much more than I see in myself at the moment. If I want to be part of a different kingdom, living a different way, then I must constantly look to the king.

The greatest thing about the kingdom is ultimately the king. In any historical story or film, the king is to be protected at all times, with armies of ordinary men laying down their lives to keep him safe. Jesus reverses all of this. He comes as a king who doesn’t sit safe in the castle, far from the battle. He comes as a king to lay down his life for an army of ordinary people, that one day he may welcome them home.

Day 14 - A Day Off?

Day 14: Matthew 12

A DAY OFF?

Read Matthew 12 here first

 

'Rest when you get there.' It's a phrase that my friend Pete used to tell me had been drummed into him as a footballer, to strive to win the ball and do something with it, and rest when he’d done it. I never heard that, but I did hear a lot of 'If in doubt, get it out' in my team. I'm guessing we weren't as good as Pete's team.

I've found that as I've entered the working world, there often seems to be a never ending pile of tasks and as some tasks are completed, new tasks get added. If we're not careful, busyness can take over and dominate our lives. I'm bad for this. I will often seek out additional tasks for some reason to make myself busy.

I blame my mum for this. Every evening she brings back work for the next day, and can often be found sat in front of the TV while doing some prep for lessons. During my university years, she would often wake me up needlessly in the holidays, worried that I would 'waste the day' if I slept longer. What she didn't realise was that as a student, my days would largely be spent playing Pro Evolution Soccer and eating chips while watching the Crystal Maze. Sleep was the most productive thing I did.

I recently floated the topic of the Sabbath in our life group, discussing what we think God intends for us, what it should mean. One of the group discussed that they believed God intends for us to set aside a day of the week designed specifically for rest, reflection, and focusing on God so that work doesn't dominate our lives. Another stated their belief that since Jesus had come, he has made a way that we don't have to just come together on one specific day to go to the temple to worship God, and that we can observe the principles of the Sabbath daily.

I like both points. I love through Jesus we can come to God and enjoy that intimacy daily, but I also believe it is a solid principle to forget about work for a day, reflecting on God's greatness and enjoying some extra closeness with Him.

As we look at what Jesus does and says here, we can take some things about the Sabbath and apply them to our lives. Firstly, Jesus comes against the excessive rules put on by the Pharisees at the time. The Pharisees had taken the basic command of not to work on the Sabbath, and added loads of extra rules on top, so that they could show how well they were keeping the command by going nowhere near work.

A friend of mine imagines that they would go around looking at a situation saying “That looks a bit worky to me, I wouldn't do that...” They used the Sabbath as a rule-keeping exercise, to show how good and righteous they were, completely missing the point. Jesus points them to what matters, showing them the Sabbath isn't about a set of rules. The point of the Sabbath was to draw nearer to God, to enjoy our relationship with Him.

We can mark the Sabbath in many different ways. I don't believe you always have to alone in a place of solitude. Here, Jesus is with the disciples, so he's obviously not spending the day silently sat in contemplation. Church is a good way of doing this, coming together to corporately worship God and declare His greatness. I believe we can have great times of just relaxing together and enjoying life. However, I also believe we need to get better at slowing down to reflect on God and spend extra time with Him with no agenda. I appreciate we have quiet times, and they are key, but I think there's something special about just taking that bit extra out on a day to stop and be with God.

A while ago, I read a story about a guy who got locked in his bathroom for a couple of hours, with nothing to read or watch or do. He spent that time praying, and loved it. Since then, he's tried to make a conscious effort to just stop once a week, and he says it's crucial to his week.

Today, consider just stopping. Find a gap in your schedule, and just book it to relax in the presence of God. Just stop and speak to Him, listen to Him, reflect on life. As we do, I pray we'll be refreshed and it will become a pivotal time in our weeks.

Day 13 - He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

Day 13: Matthew 11                  

HE AIN'T HEAVY, HE'S MY BROTHER (11:28-30)

Read Matthew 11 here first

                                   

I have been back to Grimsby to preach a few times now. Based on a story I once told, I was advertised once as 'The Hide the Poo Man', which would've been a strange thing to see if you hadn't been previously and actually heard the story. I won't go into it now, but I'd like to clarify that I have never been involved in any such activity. The closest I've ever come is nipping into what I believed to be a disused alley for a desperate toilet stop, only to discover partway through that it was actually a pretty major cut-through for people. Painful.

Anyway, I was preaching at this youth event back in Grimsby and I received the first heckle I've ever received, from a youth leader. I mentioned that people may have heard people saying 'if you've come here with a problem, leave it at the door and come in and worship God'. I went on to state that I believe that's garbage. The heckler yelled that I was wrong. I was taken back a bit, but tried to go on to explain myself.

I know why people make that statement. However, I don't believe it's helpful. I believe that statements telling us to leave our problems at the door run the risk of using a church service as some kind of escapism from life, only to leave and carry on with our baggage. I believe that as we go through difficult times, it's important to bring our pain and struggles to God and be honest about them.

When Jesus tells those who are burdened to come to him, he is not telling them to ignore their burdens for an hour. Rather he is telling people that he will give them rest. He is showing us that God wants to be involved in our lives, to bring us true release and rest. That's not to say that we won't have problems in this world if we put our hope in Jesus. As we follow him, there will be some truly painful things to go through. However, it is my belief that Jesus isn't interested in us putting on a good show for church, so that we just plough through showing people that everything is OK while inside we're in turmoil.

I know this all too well. For years I spent money that I didn't have, leaving me with £15,000 of debt. After taking out credit cards to pay off other bills, I ran out of options. On the outside, I was a man with a good job, who'd done well. I wasn't afraid to spend money to keep that up, as I liked feeling that I was a bit of a success. Ultimately, I knew I was in trouble. Every month, I'd try to ignore the problem, hoping somehow it would get better. I had no plan, and was only paying the minimum amount each month, and was sinking deeper and deeper into real trouble.

I will always remember where it finally came to a head. I was visiting my parents back home, and I tried to get cash out the day after payday. The bank declined. I was over my overdraft limit before I'd paid rent, bills or anything for the month ahead. I stood at the cash machine as tears filled my eyes. I had no hope. I knew it was my fault. My mum came and asked if I was alright, and I broke down. I started to cry and told her everything. My parents have no money. My mum works as a children's evangelist, relying on donations from people to support her ministry. I will never know how they paid it, but they took some debt on themselves for me. They asked me to seek help, and I spoke to someone from church. We sorted out a plan, and I began the long journey of working my way out of trouble.

No matter how strong we try to be, we so often develop stronger relationships when we're able to be weak in front of each other. Only when we share our burdens, can we reach a situation where we people are able to help us carry them.

Today, if you’re struggling, share it with someone. Let the mask of ‘doing alright’ slip and seek help. Find someone who will pray with you. From my experience, people in churches want to support others and bring hope where they can. Let’s share with each other, support each other and help each other place those burdens into the hands of God, which are strong, wise and will never let anything fall.

Day 12 An Army of Ordinary People

Day 12: Matthew 10

AN ARMY OF ORDINARY PEOPLE (9:35-10:42)

Read Matthew 9:35-10:42 here first

 

In Matthew chapter 10, Jesus sends out the disciples. The guys who have followed Jesus so far are now released to go to share the message of the Kingdom of God with the people of Israel. This is an exciting passage, as we can look at it and draw some thoughts about how we are to go about our ministry as we go into our communities, bringing the same message thousands of years later. As we look at this, I think that there's a few things we can draw from the passage.

1. God uses ordinary people

As we've seen so far, the disciples were ordinary guys. They weren't religious experts, and they didn't have all the brilliant theological answers. They hadn't even been with Jesus for years and years, being taught exactly what to do in every situation. They had just spent time with him, and knew that what they had found was worth giving your life for.

In the same way, we are called to live out the message of the Kingdom of God. Wherever we are, whatever we do, it is our job to go out and declare that message to the people we deal with. God isn't waiting for us to get enough experience or skills; he just wants us to be able to share what we've found with people.

2. Be filled with the Holy Spirit

Jesus sends them, telling them to heal the sick, drive out demons, and that the Spirit will speak through them. As we go out, it is essential that we spend time listening to God, just waiting on Him, asking Him to fill us over and over with His Spirit. I believe that as we do this, as we put ourselves in the position to receive from Him then we will go out in power.

I know how often I have shared the gospel because I know that I should, rather than out of my passion or desire to bring people to God. I know those times are when I've been a bit dry, rather than determined to receive from God so that I'm able to minister to others.

3. Know the story

Jesus sent them out to tell the story of the Kingdom of heaven. As we seek to share the message with people, we must know it for ourselves. We must know our own story, of how God has changed our lives. We must also be so clear on how we fit into the big story of the Bible, of how God's plan to dwell with His people in eternity has been worked out through Jesus.

4. It must be done out of love

In verse 36 of chapter 9, it tells us Jesus had compassion on the people. What we do to reach out to people must be out of love. That is why Jesus came to us. It's the reason for everything. As we share the gospel with people, it's because it's good news of how important they are, how they were always meant to be God's people, and how Jesus came to restore that. It's not so that people can join our club, and it's not to convince them we're right. It's to show them love.

One of my favourite quotes is from a guy called Jamie Tworkowski, who says, “We were made to be lovers, bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out over and over until we're called home.” I completely agree.

As we read chapters like this, it's important to stop and reflect. Today, there are some practical things we can do to challenge ourselves on this. As we look at this, take some time to write some stuff down and reflect on a few things.

• Spend some time asking the Holy Spirit to fill you regularly, so that we go out in His strength and not simply drawing on our past experiences.
• Write down some key elements of your personal story
• Reflect on Jesus' life – what is it you love about Him?
• What people are there around you that need love? If Jesus was around, where would he be going?

Day 11 - Fish Out Of Water

Day 11: Matthew 9

FISH OUT OF WATER (9:1-34)

Read Matthew 9 here first 

I grew up in Grimsby. It's a strange town, obsessed with fish. Grimsby used to be the world's biggest fishing port, but then something called the Cod Wars happened, which sounds like the world's most rubbish war. However, there are ones which sounds worse, such as the Yellow Turban Rebellion, the Pig War, and the war of Jenkin's Ear, all of which are real. Anyway, Grimsby basically no longer has fish and therefore no real industry any more.

However, that hasn't stopped Grimsby from being proud of this past. Our football team are called the Mariners, we have boats and fish on the club badge, our chairman owned a fish factory, and we have a genuine chant which goes “na na na na na na na na na FISH!” In addition to that our mascot is a fisherman. For big games (and it's Grimsby, so we sadly never have big games anymore) a second mascot is brought out, which is a giant fishfinger. Sigh.

Anyway, after growing up in Grimsby, I moved to Liverpool and somehow got a job with the world's largest accounting firm. While I never really fitted in there, I was occasionally asked to attend some kind of important event on behalf of the firm. One such time I was invited to a charity ball with a diamond auction, attended by such celebrities as the Everton football team, and some Hollyoaks actors. Hardly A-list, but I was excited to be at such a posh event. I texted various friends telling them about my trip to bid for diamonds in a tuxedo and I was very proud.

For this event, I had to rush home after work, shower, change and get out. During this process, I visited the toilet. Unfortunately I hadn't realised that we were out of toilet paper, and was faced with a moral dilemma of what to do. After rejecting the 'rinse in the shower' approach, I saw what I believed to be face wipes. In the absence of anything better, I decided it had to be done. Within seconds, I knew I'd made a mistake. It turned out they were actually floor wipes with bleach, described on the packet as 'extra abrasive'. A painful few moments followed, and I headed off to the charity ball, where I was unable to sit down or walk without considerable pain. It was a long night.

You see, something within me wants to show off. I want to tell people when I've done well, or when I think I've made it. I want to show people my achievements so that people can see how good I am, or how far I've progressed. I think God does a good job of keeping me humble. I'll still be the same old man from Grimsby who seems to stumble through life from mistake to mistake.

This is one of the greatest things about Jesus. He calls Matthew to be a disciple here, someone rejected and despised by people. This would be someone seen as 'too sinful' for God. As Jesus goes and eats at the houses of 'sinners', he shows us that we aren't too tainted or bad for God. He shows us that we don't need to hold our lists of achievements up to him to prove our worth. God has placed such a high value on having us as his people that it must seem so ridiculous to Him at times when we try so hard to prove ourselves and justify our worth with our own small achievements.

I have a lot of time for people who have been written off by others in churches. As a teenager, I often felt that from people. I often felt that people were fed up with me, that I wasn't good enough for them. My story is that through being often told off at church, some people consistently showed me love, and Jesus shone through them.

As we deal with people in church, let's not hold people up as 'worse' than ourselves because they struggle with different stuff. Keep an eye out for those on the fringe of church; they may just be the ones who feel less welcome in God's Kingdom, like they are less worthy. As we get older, there is the risk that we start to believe we're 'good enough' for God. Never forget the grace that brings us home, and the beautiful truth that all are welcome.

Week 2 Extra - One Man Army

Week 2 Extra - One Man Army

 

We surround ourselves with noise so often. We can turn on the TV or the stereo to drown out our thoughts, to ignore the things that we know we should deal with.  We let noise surround us because it’s easier. It’s easier to let sound wash over us than it is to stop and be intimate, whether that’s intimate with others, or intimate with God.

 

We can sit and be entertained, without meeting some of the greatest needs we have. The need to feel truly loved by someone. The need to be heard. The need to be understood. The need to feel like we matter. We can neglect these things until they build up on us, threatening to overwhelm us.

Maybe this doesn't mean anything to you, and that's great, but I know this is stuff I'm truly rubbish at. I know we were built for relationship, but I often back away from intimacy, because I find it hard. I don't know if it's because I'm a man, or because I'm scared of letting people see what really matters, but I back away.

If I may, let me tell you a story of something I did recently.

I sat with a friend, having a great time in the pub. We talked about life, about death, about people who matter to us. We shared our stories about our families, stories of significant times in our lives. In the middle of a pub, we shared a time filled with depth and emotion. We laughed, we reflected, and we listened to each other.

We had a great time, full of meaning and life. We watched football in the background but it was so much more. For once, time didn’t just pass but it counted. Our words and stories mattered, both to ourselves and to each other.

Then it happened. I left. I don’t know why. I thought about getting home for some ‘me’ time before Anna got home. All of a sudden I wanted space. I went home, crashed on the couch and stuck Sky Sports News on.

Why?

Maybe because it’s safe. Maybe because I don’t have to worry about what to say or feeling awkward. Maybe I find it easier to sit on my own, checking Facebook and Twitter but avoiding real community with people. I think this may be true for me.

What I definitely know is that I regret it. I think it leads to loneliness. Quite often, I feel lonely. That day, I realised some of it may be my fault.

As we’ve read through the life of Jesus so far, we’ve seen community. There’s a closeness between Jesus and the disciples, and a genuine love between them. Jesus has a genuine love for the people he’s involved with and comes across.

For a while, I went through a period feeling I didn't matter to many people. I know what it is to feel like no-one's really bothered. It's hard, lonely and tough. Don't look at married people and think they don't feel that. They do. I still get that way, but I'm trying to fight through those lies to what I know is true. What is true is that you matter. I matter. We matter a whole lot to God. Enough to be humbled, spat at and killed so that we would be called His. As you matter to God, you will matter to others. I think a lot of us are pretty bad at showing it, and we need to not be.

If you feel this way, do something. Pick up the phone, send a text. Go for a meal, go to the pub, invite someone round, visit someone. Find someone that matters and spend time with them. Talk about things you care about, share your stories of important times. Listen to their stories and the things on their heart. Laugh with each other. Walk through painful times with each other. Pray with each other. Show that person that you care, that they matter to you, and let yourself open up so that you may feel loved back.

I don’t know why I wrote this. It just felt important.

Day 10 - The Price is Right

Day 10: Matthew 8

THE PRICE IS RIGHT

Read Matthew 8 here first

 

“I will follow you wherever you go.” Sound familiar? I don't know about you, but I've said that so many times. Especially throughout my teenage years, as a young man desperate to follow Jesus. In the midst of what was often a difficult journey in trying to find my identity, Jesus stood out like a bright light. So often, he seemed to be the only thing in my life that made sense, and I was desperate to cling to him and live a life that mattered. Each one of the numerous times I've promised that to God I've completely meant it, and I still do. My intention is to go wherever God calls me to, and I long to live the life that Jesus would call us into. As I look at the disciples, I see the life they had, and the love, relationship and closeness with Jesus made them want nothing else.

There are two sides to this though. It's not possible to look at just the nice side to the disciples' life. When we look at the opportunity they had to walk with Jesus, to see the miracles, to have a pivotal role in ushering in the Kingdom of God, we can easily wish we were one of them, and that's ok. However, we also need to consider what it cost them. These guys gave up their livelihoods, often travelling from place to place with no fixed address, no comfortable home, and no wage. There are no stories of them demanding their own personal space or wanting to gather more stuff. They simply followed Jesus and wanted to be where he was. Everything else seemed unimportant.

As they did this, they were excited by his teaching. As they heard about the heart of God for His people, their hearts caught on fire. Again, this wasn't the whole story. As they heard this teaching, they were around as Jesus met great opposition from the established Jewish leaders and the general public, who flocked to Jesus but struggled to accept what he said.

One of my favourite passages in the Bible is in John chapter 6, after Jesus has fed the 5000. Jesus has healed people, met their needs, and begins to teach them about how only God can satisfy and that he has come to bring eternal life. The crowd struggle to accept this, and drift away. Jesus turns to the twelve disciples, asking if they plan to leave to. In one of the best exchanges in the Bible, Peter replies to Jesus by saying “Where would we go? You alone have the words of eternal life.”

They know what they have found in Jesus is worth everything. They certainly don't always understand what he says, but they know that they want nothing else. These are the guys who built the church as we know it. Guys who know what it is to not just go with the opinion of crowds. Guys who know what it is to truly go wherever Jesus went. Guys who will wrestle with the things Jesus says, knowing they're hard but recognising their truth. Guys who will battle with their own desires to be recognised as important. Guys who won't be seduced by possessions.

We so often romanticise the disciples and their lives following Jesus. We can almost glibly acknowledge that following Jesus cost the majority of them their lives in the end without recognising the full life-long cost that they also paid. The reason that these guys were so willing to die for the gospel is that they had truly sought to live for the gospel first. They didn't set out to be martyrs; they just set out to follow Jesus.

As I read the stories of Jesus and the disciples, I am challenged over and over by my comfortable living. What does it mean to really follow Jesus? What does he call me to? Would I go if he did? These are big questions, and ones which we should be wrestling with throughout our lives, especially in 21st century Britain. So much we see in the media and adverts aims to tell us that our lives should be made easier and more comfortable, away from any conflict or difficulty. The more I read the words of Jesus, the more I think that's not really the life he was offering. It's what I see in the disciples, and it's tough. I'm pretty sure that's the point though. In my Bible, this story is in the section called 'The cost of following Jesus'. I don't like it, but we can't avoid it. It's meant to cost.

Day 9 - I Can see Clearly Now....

Day 9: Matthew 7

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW...(7:1-6)

Read Matthew 7 first

 

I struggle with Matthew 7, verses 1-6. I'm a hypocrite. I see other people's failings far too quickly, while brushing past my own issues as if they didn't matter. There are loads of things that frustrate me. If I may, let me run through a few of them here.

• Being disorganised - Deep down I think I'm a bit OCD and I like things to be planned out. I guess it's the accountant in me.
• Possessions –We are obsessed with owning stuff. I get frustrated with us wanting fancy holidays, nicer cars, and nicer houses when a chunk of the world lives without clean water.
• Lateness - I hate lateness. Again, I think that's my OCD. It may also be the fact that I hang out with youth workers a lot.
• Laziness – As a lecturer, I often get told by students that they haven't really revised. Well, you're going to fail then. Well done.
• Moaning – Anna once came with me to a Grimsby Town game. Within minutes she'd asked me if everyone from Grimsby was that miserable. We probably are.

Like I said, I'm a hypocrite. I get frustrated but struggle with quite a bit of it myself. As I look at that list, there's so many times when I've sent last minute texts around regarding the Gathering or Life Group. I may not spend loads on cars (I drive a car which is effectively a go kart for an old woman) I waste far too much money, and I feel that urge to get more comfort, knowing full well that there are huge needs that I should help with my finances. When I have better things to do, I can be found crashed in front of the TV. When something bad happens, I dwell on it and am negative about it, moaning to Anna.

The problem is that as we deal with people, we deal with a massively flawed bunch. We will annoy each other, hurt each other and sadly let each other down. Jesus must have so often got frustrated at the disciples and how fickle the crowds were as they deserted him at the first opportunity. As Jesus walked with the disciples, he would have seen their flaws, known who they are, and chosen to love them all the same.

I remember a time when a friend of mine tried to put on as many coats as he could at one time. He had about 15 on, and then someone pushed him over. He lay on the floor, unable to get up, and like good friends, we watched him roll around and left him. So often we can be like this. We build layer upon layer of how good we are, or how happy we are in life, afraid that if people really see who we are, they will reject us and walk away. After a while, we can get so tired of putting on layers and masks that we can feel lonely, that no-one really knows us. In my experience, that can lead to resentment and loneliness, feeling that no-one cares.

As I've been reflecting on this today, I've just read a Donald Miller blog that he posted this afternoon. In this he says “We impress people with our supposed perfections, but we connect with each other in our flaws. I'd rather be connected than perfect.”

I completely agree. As I've been married, Anna has seen more and more of my flaws. I don't want them there, but I feel closer to her knowing that she truly sees who I am and chooses to love me. I am determined that these things won't always be part of my character, but I appreciate Anna not condemning me, judging me or rejecting me as I strive to let God mould me more and more. It's a frightening, horrible thing to do, but it's essential that we take off our layers of coats and masks so that people can really see the heart of who we arte. It is my genuine experience that as we do that, people will come together to help, support and really love each other.

We all carry our own specific flaws, and the truth of the gospel is that these don't have to always be part of us. However, as we work through these things, offering them to God, we must walk together in it, a close-knit community who loves each other, supports each other and doesn't take each other down as we strive to live out our lives for Him. That's how God sees us, and how we are called to be towards each other.

I've already quoted him, and I will do so again, but there's a guy called Jamie Tworkowski who really lives this out, setting up an organisation called TWLOHA (www.twloha.com) and he said a couple of things that I try to carry with me daily: 

"We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love."

He also says,

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."

Who better to finish with than Jesus. To prove how important living in community with each other is, Jesus said “They will know you are my disciples by your love.” A tough calling, but I can think of nothing better for us to be known by. Let's be known by our love. When it hurts. When it's tough. When it costs us. Jesus models this throughout his life. People are never too much of a hassle, they are never too bad for him. His reputation means nothing, and calling a broken world His people means eveything.

As we strive to live this out, don't be afraid to open yourself up, to God and others, pouring your heart out so that others will see the real you. That will be tough, but know one thing for certain:

You were created to be a lover.
You were created to be loved.

You are loved.

Day 8 - Centre Stage

Day 8: Matthew 6

CENTRE STAGE

Read Matthew 6 here first

 

Everyone knew who the religious scholars were. Everyone was made very aware of their 'holiness' and authority of all religious matters. They were happy to show people just how much they prayed and how closely they obeyed the law. They were so 'holy' that they'd even added plenty of their own laws to go along with.

In verses 1-18, Jesus proclaims that this kind of approach isn't the way to please God. God isn't bothered about the show that we can put on, but is interested in the intimate relationship between us and Him. Jesus talks about prayer and fasting here, something he models regularly in the gospels. As Jesus talks about prayer, he shows that this must be done in the quiet place, away from crowds.

I have been through times where I have played up to show off to the crowds, and others where I have hung on to the crowds and only exercised spirituality as part of them as I was distant from God in my personal life. Neither of these is acceptable for a humble life walked in step with God.

When I used to play football, I was always so much better in front of a crowd. I ran harder, encouraged more and had greater confidence. I longed for the praise and the recognition that I'd done well. My ego took over and I was driven by the adulation of people. The sad fact is that I simply didn't have the drive to give it all when no-one was watching.

Similarly, in my twenties I have experienced times when I have found my prayer life really difficult. For many years, I never struggled with prayer. It was relatively easy and I enjoyed sitting down and spending time talking to God. Maybe it's because I knew how rubbish I am without him, so I was fully aware of my need for Him. As I got older, I have found it more difficult to stop and be still at times. I have often found myself restless and unfocused, struggling with the concept of silence. I realise that as I've got older, I surround myself with noise and busyness. That can be TV, music, work, games, anything. Even when I relax, I have to have something going on. I find it hard to even read a book without music or some kind of background noise. Therefore I have found it increasingly difficult to stop and be still.

Without that stillness, I've found that frustration sets in a lot quicker, I get negative or critical a lot quicker, and I live without that sense of peace and calm in my life. Without that stillness, we will not feel refreshed by God as we allow Him to fill us and spend time enjoying His presence. If we're not careful, God becomes something we can talk and sing about, but something that has no regular impact on our personal lives. Without finding that place of stillness, we can lose what it is to know the beauty of God in our lives, and we will become drier and drier.

As I struggled to find this stillness, group prayer meetings seemed to stir something in me. The feeling of people drawing close to God, crying out to Him in worship or lifting requests to Him helped me find my feet and my voice. Those places have often been platforms for me to get myself back into a place of regular prayer. It still ultimately comes down to the same thing; finding that place of stillness and quiet with God.

The key has to be, as Jesus said, to “go to your room, close the door, and pray to your Father”.

Today, determine to stop and be still. Not to pray while driving, or cleaning, or performing some task, but to seek God in the stillness. No distractions, no noise, but just you and God. Your mind may drift, but persevere. As many things, it will be a discipline, but a vital one.

We live in a world that is louder and more rushed than ever. The discipline of coping with silence is one that we must strive to be better at. I believe that we need to have the determination to find that place of stillness and have the courage to stay there rather than charging through our days.